My little love,
Every day I cry. Every. Day.
I can’t imagine doing any of the things I use to do with
you….without you.
I am afraid of what will happen the day I don’t think of
you first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
I meditate. I try to watch for signs from you. I fall
apart.
Has grief got such a strong grip on me? Or do I hold on
tightly, desperately to my grief?
Does feeling better mean letting you go? I Cant.
I want to move forward, not move on.
But I don’t know how.
You send me song lyrics. I get the message.
I feel better for a minute. And then I am screaming inside
for you.
Who am I now? This broken-hearted mom? Or has my heart
broken open so I can learn?
Did you plan this on the other side before you came to me?
Did I? What were we thinking!?
I may need to hold on to this grief just a little longer.
Even though I can barely function.
Until I can figure out this life without you.
And one day reach out my hand to help someone else.
Then maybe I can tell my grief goodbye
and walk into the light.
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